so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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