A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
