I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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