Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize