I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
