last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
A bitchslap is in order.
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