Pants 0. Shit 1.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize