i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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