just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize