My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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