So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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