Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize