BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
