i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
