He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
