Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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