my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
