I wish I could teleport
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
