i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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