She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
