i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize