i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
