im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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