I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
