my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
