no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We need to get me chipped asap
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize