bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
