walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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