She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
