I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
