6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
