im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize