he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize