Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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