It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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