Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
