doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
