need another drink. this is the easiest way
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
