I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
