we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
