This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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