That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
