i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
