If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
