My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
