I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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