Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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