I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Found your dick twin last night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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