i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
