the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
