i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
