I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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