i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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