Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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