every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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