so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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