He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize