i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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