every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
