bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
