I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
