I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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