38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Houston, we have a blender
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
