Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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