So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She bit a glass in half.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize