So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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