I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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