I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
