therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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