Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He? As in you personified your dick?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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