and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize