I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
