Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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